Whenever something is planned ahead of time there is that feeling of anticipation as it approaches. Sometimes it’s a feeling of excitement or giddy nerves and sometimes it can turn to an anxious feeling of dread. Anticipation is like the beginning of a roller coaster ride when you are buckled in; the car slowly sliding up and up and up; with that loud clicking sound; everything counting down to that moment when you reach the top of the curve before you fall. There’s no going back. You’re locked in and you just hope you enjoy the ride.

My trip to Thailand has had many stages and the reality of what I’m doing keeps hitting me at different times. As I was planning for months it was very abstract and fun to talk about. When I left Boston I was sad to say goodbye to so many friends and family but also incredibly excited to start my trip. For the first couple weeks I was traveling in the US, so it felt just like a vacation, even though I wouldn’t be returning home anytime soon. Leaving the country still seemed so far off in the future.

My first wave of reality came when I said goodbye to friends in San Diego. I had said goodbye in Boston with the caveat that we would get to party again in San Diego, and all of a sudden the partying was over and we said goodbye for real. I had to face the fact that these people I saw every week would not be a part of my everyday life for a year, and their lives would go on as well, without me being there with them.

As my sister drove me to the airport about a week later, I just kept staring out the window thinking about how I was leaving everything familiar behind. I’ve packed up my life into two suitcases and a backpack and am moving to the other side of the world. It’s amazing to me that I could be so prepared in many ways and yet still have a feeling that I have no idea what I have just gotten myself into. It’s exciting and terrifying. I’m at the top of the roller coaster; there’s no turning back so I’m just hoping the thrill is worth the fear.